I had my 6 month PET scan last Tuesday. I get my results on 9/3/15. It's not exactly 6 months since I went into remission but I am of the belief that my oncologist knows what he is doing so I do what I am told. If he says, "Scan" then I go have a scan. If he said, "Jump off a tall building", I would honestly give it some thought.
He's been there before. He has seen many sick patients; some older than me, some younger. Some in better overall health than me, some worse. The fact of the matter is; he put me at ease the instant met him so he calls the shots in my treatment and care.
That's a big deal coming from me because I like to be in control and I'll be honest, I gave up control last winter. I put my type A personality on the shelf...and it WORKED. I am well. I am healthy and I am gaining my strength back. I took a restorative yoga class yesterday and left it feeling energized. I am setting goals for my future. My hair is requiring about 45 seconds of work after a shower. It's the little things these days that make me happy.
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Don't Stop Believing
I am a Journey fan. For the record I am a "Steve Perry is the lead sing of Journey" fan. Nothing against the gentleman the currently fronts the band..I am a purist about certain things and this is one of them.
I received Journey's Escape album for Christmas of 1981...on vinyl. For those of you reading who have never seen an album on vinyl, you're a youngster! I know every note of every song of that album. Just about every song evokes memories of my teenage years. My dream game show appearance would be Name That Tune, The Journey Edition.
In 2005 my White Sox won the World Series and Don't Stop Believing was a locker room staple for the team. As a lifelong Sox fan, I have suffered through many terrible seasons but 2005...it was magic. The team tried to give the title away before the playoffs but the team didn't stop believing and as September 2005 came to a close, I swooped into the playoffs with my team and a handful of additional gray hairs!
Flash forward to January of 2015...after my diagnosis, I decided to go into my office and share the news with coworkers in person as opposed to emailing my news. I have been with my company for almost 13 years and an email just didn't feel right. I had slightly more energy on Monday January 19th when I got up to go to work. The Zofran had allowed my appetite to return some and I was sleeping better with the help of Advil PM.
I don't remember many of the things that took place in the early days after my diagnosis but the memory of climbing into my car that morning is as vivid as if it happened yesterday. I started my car and the radio came on. I have no idea what station was on...
"Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world..."
I sing with the radio...I will admit it freely. If I had a dime for every person that has busted me singing in my car, I could have retired in my 20s. I broke into song that morning. I was a member of Journey that morning.
"Working hard to get my fill...everybody wants a thrill."
"No, the movie never ends, it goes on and on and on and on."
In those moments in the arena in my mind sing with everything I had, I knew I was going to be OK. Don't Stop Believing became my mantra. I believed I was going to feel better, I believed that my doctors knew what to do, I believed in myself...I believed I was going to be OK...I BELIEVED I WAS GOING TO KICK CANCER'S ASS.
Don't stop believing, hold onto that feeling.
I received Journey's Escape album for Christmas of 1981...on vinyl. For those of you reading who have never seen an album on vinyl, you're a youngster! I know every note of every song of that album. Just about every song evokes memories of my teenage years. My dream game show appearance would be Name That Tune, The Journey Edition.
In 2005 my White Sox won the World Series and Don't Stop Believing was a locker room staple for the team. As a lifelong Sox fan, I have suffered through many terrible seasons but 2005...it was magic. The team tried to give the title away before the playoffs but the team didn't stop believing and as September 2005 came to a close, I swooped into the playoffs with my team and a handful of additional gray hairs!
Flash forward to January of 2015...after my diagnosis, I decided to go into my office and share the news with coworkers in person as opposed to emailing my news. I have been with my company for almost 13 years and an email just didn't feel right. I had slightly more energy on Monday January 19th when I got up to go to work. The Zofran had allowed my appetite to return some and I was sleeping better with the help of Advil PM.
I don't remember many of the things that took place in the early days after my diagnosis but the memory of climbing into my car that morning is as vivid as if it happened yesterday. I started my car and the radio came on. I have no idea what station was on...
"Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world..."
I sing with the radio...I will admit it freely. If I had a dime for every person that has busted me singing in my car, I could have retired in my 20s. I broke into song that morning. I was a member of Journey that morning.
"Working hard to get my fill...everybody wants a thrill."
"No, the movie never ends, it goes on and on and on and on."
In those moments in the arena in my mind sing with everything I had, I knew I was going to be OK. Don't Stop Believing became my mantra. I believed I was going to feel better, I believed that my doctors knew what to do, I believed in myself...I believed I was going to be OK...I BELIEVED I WAS GOING TO KICK CANCER'S ASS.
Don't stop believing, hold onto that feeling.
I wore that charm at every chemo treatment. I have a bracelet with those words engraved on it. I know the lyrics of the song by heart and they will always hold a special place in my heart.
Don't Stop Believing!!
Monday, August 3, 2015
A Tale of Two Minds
So, I just scheduled my 6 month PET scan for 8/25 and I am immediately filled with dread. I am not sure why...I feel great. My hair is filling in, I am getting to the gym on a regular basis, I have started some weight training, making some plans for the distant future (read 2016). I cannot blame Peggy (the registrar in the radiology dept); she's not scary in the least. My blood pressure is lower, work has not been particularly stressful, the summer with the kids was fun albeit short. Somehow I cannot get rid of the feeling that the other shoe is going to drop...then the rational mind takes over.
I am not schizophrenic but I do possess two separate and distinct minds.
The rational one, that is militant about planning things and being organized, fairly strict about diet and meal planning, and always in pursuit of something fun to do.
Then there is irrational one.
The irrational one has played a larger part in my life this year. The irrational one raced when I couldn't sleep because of the prednisone. The irrational one thought I had the flu or needed my gall bladder removed when in fact Lymphoma was raging away in my body.
I allowed my irrational mind in a few times after my diagnosis and during treatment and it always wanted to stay. I did my best to make sure it didn't get the chance to unpack and get comfortable. I often found myself literally thinking, "Go away!" whenever I started to wallow or get scared that I wasn't kicking cancer's ass!
Rational knew I was winning the battle; it knew I was getting stronger. Irrational knew I had a pretty good life and wanted to be a part of it. Thankfully Rational is wise and Irrational did wear out its welcome.
I am guessing anyone who has waged a health battle understands my post while those who have not, think I am slightly crazy and I might be but it has little to do with having two separate minds. LOL
I guess what I am trying to say is that it's OK. I didn't get a playbook with Lymphoma and there were days it was scary. There were also days that were jubilant, fulfilling and yes, even fun. It's OK to fear the results of a test 6 months removed but I am a warrior so I am going to stomp the fear into a tiny bit of concern and when I sit down with my oncologist in early September, I am going to hear the results that I fight for daily and then maybe, Irrational will take an extended vacation.
XOXO
I am not schizophrenic but I do possess two separate and distinct minds.
The rational one, that is militant about planning things and being organized, fairly strict about diet and meal planning, and always in pursuit of something fun to do.
Then there is irrational one.
The irrational one has played a larger part in my life this year. The irrational one raced when I couldn't sleep because of the prednisone. The irrational one thought I had the flu or needed my gall bladder removed when in fact Lymphoma was raging away in my body.
I allowed my irrational mind in a few times after my diagnosis and during treatment and it always wanted to stay. I did my best to make sure it didn't get the chance to unpack and get comfortable. I often found myself literally thinking, "Go away!" whenever I started to wallow or get scared that I wasn't kicking cancer's ass!
Rational knew I was winning the battle; it knew I was getting stronger. Irrational knew I had a pretty good life and wanted to be a part of it. Thankfully Rational is wise and Irrational did wear out its welcome.
I am guessing anyone who has waged a health battle understands my post while those who have not, think I am slightly crazy and I might be but it has little to do with having two separate minds. LOL
I guess what I am trying to say is that it's OK. I didn't get a playbook with Lymphoma and there were days it was scary. There were also days that were jubilant, fulfilling and yes, even fun. It's OK to fear the results of a test 6 months removed but I am a warrior so I am going to stomp the fear into a tiny bit of concern and when I sit down with my oncologist in early September, I am going to hear the results that I fight for daily and then maybe, Irrational will take an extended vacation.
XOXO
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)