1 year

1 year
12 months
52 weeks
365 days

I got my scan results on Friday.  Well most of them anyway.  It seems that there was some miscommunication between my oncologist's office and the radiology dept at my hospital.  I did not have a complete set of scans taken last week.

The ones I got were clean.  We're about 99% sure that the ones I still need to have will be clean but I still have to go for them.  Fun times.  I am waiting on word from my oncologist's office that my insurance company will approve this process (AGAIN).

I feel good.
I look good (so I am told).

I look back often at a year ago.  I was cancer free and dreading my chemo appointments because I felt great in between and I FELT LIKE HELL for several days after treatment.  I spent time wondering why we had to keep pumping poison into my body.  Yes, that's right, I was questioning the grand plan. 

You do that when you're bald and you're not supposed to be.  When you have sores on your mouth and it burns to eat and drink certain foods.  When you live for several days in this ridiculous haze that you cannot break on your own.  The toxic drugs need to clear your system.  Some days I still have some haze, and my fingers tingle and I forget 27451 different things and I get frustrated.

But I won. 

I have enjoyed every day or at least one thing every day since kicking cancer to the curb.

And I will continue to

FOREVER

Feeling a Little Anxiety

Or is it angst?  Who knows.

I have an oncologist follow up appointment next week and have yet to get the call for the PET scan.  I HATE having to rely on other people.  I should be able to make this appointment and get it out of the way.

But, I have to wait for Dr. K. to file the order for the test...
And, I have to wait for Cigna to approve the test...
And, I have to wait for the registrar of the radiation department at the hospital to call me...

On the day of the test I will wait for my fancy paper bracelet...
I will wait to be called...
I will wait for the tech to coax a vein out of my arm...
I will wait for an HOUR while the radioactive sugar floats around in my body...
I will wait in the tube for all of the pictures to be taken...

I WILL REMEMBER TO REMOVE MY FITBIT BEFORE GOING INTO THE TUBE!!!!
(Techs get a little concerned when there is suddenly a foreign object appearing on their screen.)

So if I have been irritable...uptight and restless, it's the anxiety of not knowing, even though I know.  Or it might be angst.

I want the test proving that I am a 1 year survivor.  C'mon, I cannot be the only Type A person needing this test.