Frozen

If you live in Chicago during January, you are well versed in the concept of frozen.  The wind chill was -26 when I left the house Monday morning.  It literally took 10 hours and and change of socks to get my feet to warm up.

Today is the anniversary (31 years) of the coldest day in history in Chicago...the TEMPERATURE was -26...the wind chill, real feel, call it what you want was somewhere in the -70's or some such nonsense.  It was freaking COLD.  I was out in it as the stupid 17 year old that I was...oh wait, I was out with my parents and some other parental supervision, watching of all things a hockey game.  It was so cold you left your car running  in the parking lot to make sure the engine didn't freeze and leave you stranded.  When the players stepped outside after showering in the locker room, their hair froze.  Yes, contact lenses can freeze while in your eyes..been there done that.

Frozen is also a delightful (if not overplayed) Disney movie.  I am guessing that anyone who reads this knows who Elsa, Anna and Olaf are and know every word of the movie's anthem, "Let it Go".  You're welcome for the earworm.

Today is the one year anniversary of having my port installed for chemo.  I remember kind of being frozen in the days after my diagnosis.  Not in the sense of not being able to move but watch a body of water when it is starting to freeze...think Lake Michigan.  I was at the lakefront the other day and the lake is not frozen as it has been the last couple of winters but it was thicker than normal, and moving slowly, sluggishly.  Think of a Slushie from 7-Eleven.  That was me a year ago...sluggishly moving from one appointment to another, being poked, prodded, medicated, terrified of the unknown and EVERYTHING at that point was unknown.

Every so often the scars from my port zap me.  I am sure it is mostly psychological but the little twinges of pain are real.  I look at them as reminders of where I have been AND where I am going.  A little kick to the irrational fears of a relapse, a little poke to keep moving forward.  Keep working, keep fighting, keep standing tall, keep heading out into the cold of another January in Chicago.

"Let It Go" has it right...in spite of my grousing and grumbling, the cold really doesn't bother me...unless Jack Frost is trying to sucker punch me and tear my ears off at the same time!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk

January

So another January begins.  January is not my favorite month.  Sure, I like the clean slate feel of New Years...getting back to good eating habits and getting the Christmas decorations put away for another year. My birthday is in January, but let's face it...January in Chicago can be brutal from a weather perspective.  Google "polar vortex" if you don't believe me.

This January I am a little edgy.  I don't mean trendy.  I am closing in on the anniversary of my diagnosis.  Every ache and pain I get sends me into a fit of nervousness thinking the lymphoma has returned.  I have been intensifying my workouts so aches and pains are not unusual.  I feel fantastic.  It doesn't stop me from worrying about every twinge.  *sigh*

I flash back now and again to how I felt a year ago...it wasn't pretty.

I am trying not to be in a constant state of panic.  This is normal right?  This will go away the longer I  stay healthy, right?  I'm not crazy, right?  Well...

My birthday is Tuesday...last year I barely had the energy to go to work and I slept on the couch until Chris got home from work.

Saturday is my diagnosis anniversary.  The 27th is the anniversary of my first treatment and Mom's birthday.

January is dark.  And cold.  Sometimes it's snowy.  Google "the Blizzard of '79".  I remember an ice storm on my birthday several years ago...we ordered pizza.  I tipped the delivery guy almost as much as the pizza cost because he got the pie up the front steps in one piece!  January is LONG.  It can be grueling.

No one will be happier than me when January is over!