Signs

I believe in signs.

7 days after my Dad passed in 1990, we had a huge blizzard in Chicago.  It was the first time I had driven in significant snow.  I felt my Dad with me the whole way home from DePaul University’s Lincoln Park campus.

A few days ago on the anniversary of my Dad’s death, the first FB post I saw that day was from my Dad’s favorite place on Earth...coincidence?  I doubt it.

A few days after my cancer diagnosis, I was driving to work and Don’t Stop Believing came on the radio.  Journey was my favorite group growing up.  It was also the playoff themes when my beloved White Sox won the World Series in 2005.  That song became my fight song and continues to be my Relay for Life team name.

I am a big NASCAR fan.  I was supposed to go to the Daytona 500 a few weeks after my diagnosis.  Flying is not recommended for chemo patients so we postponed the trip.  When we went to Daytona in 2016, there were signs everywhere.  Even though my Dad had been gone 26 years, he was at Daytona with me.  I could feel it.

About a month ago, a man by the name of J.D. Gibbs passed away from a degenerative brain disease at the age of 49.  J.D. was the son of Coach Joe Gibbs, former coach of the Washington Redskins and cofounder of Joe Gibbs Racing.  Coach Gibbs has had competitive race teams in NASCAR for many years. J.D. confounded JGR with his Dad and was President of the company until 2015 when he got his diagnosis.  J.D. played football...much has been discussed about football and brain injuries.  When he played football, he wore #11.

Today was the 61st running of the Daytona 500.  During pre-race shows, Fox Sports did a piece on J.D. Gibbs.  It brought me to tears more than once.  The JGR teams stood on the pit stall walls during lap 11 in tribute.  Today’s race was eventful for sure with several late wrecks taking out a chunk of the field.  As darkness fell on Daytona International Speedway, the #11 car crossed the finish line under a waving checkered flag.  Coach Gibbs in a post race interview said J.D. had the best view of today’s race from heaven.  He sure did, Coach. He sure did.

Coincidence? I doubt it.

Just for the Record

Just for the record, the obnoxious teenagers from Covington, KY would still be obnoxious if they weren’t wearing MAGA caps.

I am grateful that  the idiotic things I did as a teenager were not captured on cell phone video to spend eternity out on the internet.

I find it remarkable that people are defending them.  I went to Catholic school from grade school all  the way through 2+ years of grad school.  I can tell you honestly that no adult affiliated with the grade schools and the high school I attended would have tolerated the behavior I saw on a 5 minute video that took place BEFORE the gentleman playing the drum arrived on the scene.

So yes, there are multiple sides to every story.

Just for the record, you probably shouldn’t be getting your stories from Breitbart or Fox News or other sources known to spew bullshit.

People have wasted a lot of energy on this story over the last few days.

Meanwhile we’re on day 32 of the longest government shutdown in US history.  The president has manufactured a “state of emergency” and he along with congress are holding government workers hostage.  Is this the “great” he was talking about?  Or was it just another lie?  I know where I would put my money.

Just for the record, a memory appeared on my FB feed today from 2 years ago...I was keeping an open mind and expectations low in the days after the inauguration of the 45th president of the United States.  I am not surprised to say that 45 has sunk even lower that my wildest imagination.  Every day he and his band of misfits do something that just defies logic and reality; rinse and repeat.

Just for the record, this madness won’t last forever.

Christmas Memories

How many people reading this know who Ray Conniff was?  How many people have listened to this album (yes, I said album)?  How many people remember records? RECORDS!!

When I was a kid, my grandparents had an attractive piece of wooden furniture in their living room that 10.5 or so months a year, I didn't pay a lot of attention to.  But when you got to late November or early December...we opened the top of that piece of furniture and low and behold, inside was a turn table, a AM/FM receiver and a place to store roughly 20 RECORDS.  When you made your selection and set it on the turntable, Grandpa would open these vent like things on either side of the front of that piece of furniture and the most wonderful rich sounding music came out of the speakers.

You were a big kid when work it yourself.  Christmas with Conniff was a favorite of my grandparents and mine too.  Back when I was a kid, Christmas didn't start on the day after Halloween like it does now.  I have fond memories of it being a relatively quiet time; although now that I am an adult, it's only a quiet time for kids.  Adults are rushing around like a bunch of crazy people. 

When we were too young to go home from school alone, my sister and I spent after school time at my grandparents' house.  It was truly one of the perks of living a block away from them.  It was another opportunity to listen this this album.

Every year we would go over to my grandparents' house and decorate their Christmas tree...I only remember artificial trees but photos show evidence of real trees over the years as well.  I loved opening the boxes of ornaments and finding the right spot for each and every one.  We still laugh about the apparent annual feud that went on between my Mom and her siblings.  It seems when they were children, it was fashionable to make styrofoam ornaments and pin sequins to them in various designs...or initials.  Imagine as a child watching 3 of your favorite adults removing and rehanging initialed ornaments in various spots on the tree (mostly the back) or under the tree.  LOL  Grandma would tolerate the feud and on Christmas morning the ornaments with "M", "R" and "J" would all have a place on the front of the tree; a Christmas truce if you will.

A lot has changed since those days  Grandma has been gone 18 years and Grandpa almost 14.  I am guessing that Ray Conniff plays in heaven and I can see Grandpa snapping his fingers in a sweater vest and Grandma tapping a toe in her Christmas apron.

We still have a Christmas gathering in the house they shared and we still bake the press cookies that we have made every year that I can remember (and that's quite a few).  I have some of Grandma and Grandpa's ornaments on my tree and some of their decorations are up in my house.

The other day I was listening to Alexa play me some Christmas music (My grandfather would likely NOT be a fan of Alexa).  Over the course of a few hours while I baked and did housework, several selections from this album played.  Each one took me on a  bittersweet stroll down memory lane. 
I hope you have heard some music this season that has jogged some good memories for you as well or maybe a special ornament takes you back to a time long ago.

Lies & Spin

You knew I wasn't going to shy away from discussing politics for any great length of time.

Did you know politicians lie?  I feel pretty confident in saying that at one time or another every politician has told a lie.  The problem is, a lot of people don't know the difference between lies and spin; they cannot even differentiate between reality and the preposterous.  This is why it is so very important for political leaders to rein in their "spin" if you will.  Hover a little closer to reality.  Not appeal to the percentage of the population that thrives on drama even when it doesn't exist.

There is  caravan of migrants that has come from Central America on the way to the USA through Mexico and has been described as an angry mob of criminals that includes Middle Eastern terrorists and there have been American soldiers deployed to protect our border from invasion.

Really???  So someone who is from Saudi Arabia or Yemen, or Iran or anywhere in the Middle East has flown to Honduras or Guatemala and has decided to WALK through Mexico for more than a thousand miles to cross the American border and terrorize Americans.

Stop and read that last paragraph again.  Does it sound as stupid in your head as it did in mine as I typed it?

If you have been following along with the news...and no, not all news is true.  However, not all news that goes against what the guy living in the White House says and believes is false.  And it's not false just because he doesn't like it.

It's up to you and me and the farmer in central Iowa and the lawyer in midtown Manhattan and the stay at home Mom in a suburb of Denver and the millennial working in Silicon Valley and the Operation Enduring Freedom veteran hanging on by a thread in a struggle with PTSD and EVERY OTHER AMERICAN to figure what is true and what is false.

So let's see if I can help.

There are indeed migrants moving through Mexico, on foot and while I cannot speak for each and every one of them, most of them are women and children leaving their home country because of violence to them or family members.  Is everyone of them a model citizen by any country's standards?  Probably not.  Is it necessary to have thousands of troops at the border to stop the INVASION?  Again probably not.  These people are looking for a safe place to live.  Is America the answer?  Maybe.  Should they all be allowed in?  Yes, that is what this country stands for...you know...give me your tired and your poor, yearning to live free....  Should they all be allowed in illegally with no vetting and no rules and regulations?  No.  Are they going to take your job?  I cannot answer that question.  Although I would venture a guess that many of them if allowed to come here would be taking entry level positions or menial positions that many Americans would think beneath them.

Let's move on shall we...there's an ad about an illegal immigrant who went on a drug fueled rampage and killed some sheriff's deputies in CA in 2014.  The ad was released by the guy in the white house and blames the Democrats for letting the guy into the country and letting him stay.  What the ad fails to mention is that the person profiled in the ad was in fact arrested in Arizona in 1998 by Joe Arpaio and deported.  He then returned to the US sometime between May of 2001 and Feb 2002.  If you Google...you will see the president in that time frame was a republican, the senate had a democratic majority and the house had a republican majority.  I guarantee the criminal profiled in the ad wasn't on the radar of any of them.  This particular spin is simply bullshit.  Except many people who follow the guy in the White House BELIEVE said bullshit because the guy in the White House said it.  In the history of the United States, it has NEVER been easier to be informed.  And yet, people choose NOT to be informed.

Now let's talk about people born on US soil.  The 14th Amendment to the Constitution states that those born in the US are by definition US citizens.  The guy living in the White House thinks he can make that go away with an executive order.  Yeah, he can't.  A good number of the people in this country have taken a class or two on the Constitution.  If you want to amend the Constitution, it’s a 2/3 majority in both houses of Congress and 3/4 of state legislatures need to ratify it.  Good luck with that.  You cannot get members of the House and the Senate to agree on the color of the sky on a cloudless day.

For those of you that take the guy in the White House at his word, you’re foolish. Many days when he (or Sarah Huckabee) speaks, I don’t even need Google to prove him (or her) wrong.  Basic knowledge and common sense tell me so.  It’s telling you so too. The guy in the White House knows he is lying.  It is all very calculated.

I will be the first to admit that I don’t believe anything a politician tells me, doesn’t matter the party.  I can research and am in tune with the political leanings of the sources I believe or ignore.  I also believe that good wins out over evil every time so this current regime will end soon.  I know what side of history I will be on when that happens.

4 more years

4 more years, 4 more years, 4 more years!


Ha, it's not what you think.

I was sitting in my oncologist's office the other days and he said, "You're closing in on 4 years cancer free."  For a moment I was stunned.  Now don't get me wrong...I know exactly when I was diagnosed and exactly the moment when my oncologist told me I was cancer free.  I can tell you what I was wearing, what the weather was like and who was with me each time.  It's just that the almost 4 years has passed in the blink of an eye. 

Do you remember when you were a kid and Thanksgiving would come and you'd be all excited because that meant that Christmas was "right around the corner".  Then time would grind to a halt as you not so patiently waited for Santa to arrive.

As I have gotten older, Thanksgiving approaches and Christmas is indeed "right around the corner"  And it is barreling down upon me (and every other adult) like a freight train!!! I know understand fully why my parents looked so harried in the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

So with lymphoma, each year cancer free lessens the risk of recurrence.  So it's entirely possible I will go through the rest of my life silently chanting "4 more years, 4 more years, 4 more years!"

Thats What We’ve Become

So I have a few things on my mind.  I know, shocking, right?

I started this blog as a way to process my cancer battle and the aftermath.  Writing has always been a hobby of mine, a release if you will.  A stress reliever.  This week has been particularly stressful.

To the best of my knowledge I am cancer free...my oncologist will send me a postcard soon to remind me that I need to stop in, and give some blood to confirm that.

That’s not what I want to talk about though.

I always try to work through things with a certain amount of grace and humor.  I am not a perfect person...I have been known to fail in the grace department and rely on humor.  This week...the humor went out the window for a while as well.
People in America have lost their damn minds.

I have had many people argue with me this week about Brett Kavanaugh.  I can see differences of opinions about this absolutely.  I think I have been clear about how I feel about the situation.  The constant conversation about his confirmation hearing, Dr Ford’s testimony, and when a sexual abuse victim should speak up about it has triggered some rather unpleasant memories for me and I am sure millions of others.

Innocent until proven guilty...
The democrats should have...
A conspiracy
A smear campaign
Anyone is capable of lying and when pressed further, someone said their daughter was capable of lying when I asked them if their reaction would change if the accuser was their daughter.

Not one person arguing with me spoke to Judge Kavanaugh’s record; why he would make an exceptional Supreme Court Justice. They were too busy telling me how and why I was wrong.


That’s what we’ve become.

Someone even went so far as to say that he hoped Judge Kavanaugh would remember how the Democrats treated him during the confirmation process or some such nonsense.  I am paraphrasing it mostly because I was so incredulous reading it that I didn’t screen shot it so I could quote it.

That’s what we’ve become.

So here’s the thing...we need to table the innocent until proven guilty until we are discussing a criminal complaint.  We’re not there yet and we may never get there.

Senator Feinstein was keeping Dr Ford’s confidence...right or wrong, that is what she said she was doing.  I don’t have reason to think she is lying any more or any less than anybody else on that committee.

Conspiracy and smear campaign...sorry, not buying it and have seen ZERO evidence of it.

Here is what I do know...Dr Ford has had to leave her job and her home for this, she has received death threats.  She recounted an incredibly painful occurrence in her life in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee and however many people that watched the coverage.  She appeared composed and credible.  Judge Kavanaugh came of as petulant and unhinged; some sort of victim of a conspiracy.

 For the record...I only saw news clips, I couldn’t bear to listen to it live.

The Supreme Court is supposed to be non partisan.  Our political leaders are so caught up in the power of their positions that EVERYTHING has become partisan.  They’re not serving their constituents, they’re working on their campaign for the next election.  They are bought and paid for by special interest groups.  It’s disgusting.

That’s what we’ve become.

It’s too soon to tell what the future holds....something has to give though.

The Right Thing to Do

Brett Kavanaugh should withdrawn his name for the Supreme Court.  PERIOD

This isn't about party. It isn't about 45. It's about doing what is right.  I realize that is a foreign concept in this country these days; especially at the highest levels of government.

The hypocrisy of members of the Senate is laughable.  Let's not consider the nomination of Merrick Garland because a year from now Barack Obama won't be president anymore but let's rush through Brett Kavanaugh well, because he's a smart guy to paraphrase the guy who nominated him.

Seriously--is this what we've become?  Different political parties so HELL BENT on being in power that they resort to this BULLSHIT.

I know, I know, why didn't she come forward sooner???  That's really not for me (or anyone else) to comment on.

Have you ever been sexually assaulted?  Did you report it?  Were you believed?  Did you feel judged?  Did you carry it with you every day after?  Did it affect relationships?

Brett Kavanaugh categorically denies Christine Blasey Ford's accusations.  From what I have heard and read, perhaps it's because he doesn't remember.  Apparently there was a lot of teenage drinking and partying at prep school back in the day.  REGARDLESS of what he remembers, his accuser remembers and really that is all that matters.

Yes, I drank when I was a teenager, yes, I did things I shouldn't.  My reputation isn't on display.  I am not nominated for the Supreme Court.  Sorry if you have skeletons in your closet, you should not be a candidate for the Supreme Court.

We'll see what happens on Monday and in the days to follow.  I have an idea and I hope I am wrong.

I hope Brett Kavanaugh does what is right.  He has two daughters.  I'd be interested to hear his thoughts on how he would feel if a drunk prep school student pinned one of his daughters down and groped her.  My guess is, he'd be pretty angry.

We as a country need to do some serious soul searching if our elected officials think it's OK to rush this nomination through.  Yes, the FBI should investigate this and no, they shouldn't have to wait for 45 to give the order.  No one is above reproach.  NO ONE.

No one with a daughter (or a conscience) should be for the confirmation of this man.

And to the evangelical leaders that are urging the GOP to push this nomination through...take a step back.  We hear so much about your religious rights, blah blah blah.  Think about what you would do if Christine Blasey Ford was your daughter.  You don't get to push your religious beliefs on the rest of the world while you do whatever you please in your own life.  You don't get to thump your bible in one hand and oppress non religious people with the other.  You don't get to pick and choose when something is right or wrong for your own benefits.  That's not how it works.

Everyone eligible needs to vote, this November and for every election going forward.  If you don't like what your elected officials are doing CHANGE THEM.  They are not entitled to the job they hold.

WE THE PEOPLE vote them in AND out.

Members of the Senate and House of Representatives...you better figure out what side of history you want to land on.  I wouldn't want to stand with the guy in the white house...he stinks, as do most of those he has hired and surrounded himself with.  Don't be complicit.