2 years

2 years, 24 months, 104 weeks, 730 days, 17520 hours, 1051200 minutes, 63072000 seconds

730 sunrises and sunsets; even if they are obscured by clouds

24 full moons; even if the world is crazy pretty much every day

72 NASCAR races, 324 baseball games, 164+ hockey games, 32 football games; no I haven't seen them all

A handful of blood tests, a PET scan or two...lots of CT scans-- more bottles of contrast liquid 😬 than I want to talk about

A dozen or so haircuts...yes, haircuts!

A couple of vacations

An order management system project at work that started more than two years ago and will continue into my future

A few births, a few deaths

A new car

2 Relays

2 scars

3 bracelets

Plenty of joy, not too much sadness

Time marches on.

Cancer free is one of the best phrases in the English language...probably any language.

One Foot in Front of the Other

How many readers remember the song from Santa Claus is Coming to Town?  How many remember Santa Claus is coming to Town?  I am dating myself now I am sure.  Please enjoy the earworm below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OORsz2d1H7s

This is something I have done in hard times.

27 years ago my Dad passed away suddenly at the age of 45 when I was a senior in college in the middle of midterms.  To this day, I cannot tell you how I drove to the hospital, following the ambulance and then drove home again after the doctors had told us they did everything they could.  I remember praying in a waiting room with my Mom, sister, aunt and uncle.  I remember other random things from that morning...trying to dial a rotary phone in the trauma room, friends arriving at home, etc. but I have NO recollection of the drive back and forth to the hospital.  No residents of Elmwood Park and Melrose Park were harmed by my distracted driving to my knowledge.

I also don't know how I got through the days and weeks after.  It was the dead of winter, there was a blizzard the week after.  School needed attention, work needed attention.  What is the line in Apollo 13??  Failure was not an option.

I went back to work, I learned how to drive in the snow, I went back to school, made up a missed midterm and graduated 4 months later.  I got a job, bought a car and life went on...one foot in front of the other.

In 2000, my Grandma passed away while I was out of town.  It was sudden.  I had a 5.5 hour ride to get home to family.  I had a husband not in tune with me or my ties to my family; reason #542864281 why he is my ex husband, more on that later.  We made it back and hard as it was...we kept going...one foot in front of the other.

September 11, 2001 dawned as a beautiful late summer day.  I am fairly certain anyone reading this who was alive then, knows how it ended.  The world changed that day.  Thousands lost loved ones.  People united, people prayed, mourned, came together and kept going...one foot in front of the other.

In 2003, my first marriage ended.  If I am being honest, it probably lasted a few years longer than it should have.  It took me a while to come to terms with what I considered to be a failure at life.  I don't take failure easy.  I picked myself up, reassembled my pride and self esteem, moved home for a bit, lost 65lbs and kept going...one foot in front of the other.

Fast forward to late 2014 and early 2015.  I have mentioned the shock of a diagnosis of stage 3 non Hodgkins Lymphoma.  It still stops me up short when I think about it.  You know the drill by now...I saw doctors, got some hardware installed, battled cancer and survived...all the while putting one foot in front of the other.

Since the election last year, I feel like this country is at a crossroads of sorts.  It's clear that there are differing opinions for sure.  It's clear that things are stressful, divisive, and contentious.

People are resilient though.  We're determined. We are strong.  Maybe we agree with what's going on.  Maybe not.  Things will change; it cannot continue at this pace, at this volume, at this magnitude indefinitely.

Right always prevails over wrong; good over evil.

Love always wins. We will keep going...

Heaven for Everyone

I am a music lover. I often have it playing in the background of whatever I am doing..working, cleaning, cooking, battling cancer,  driving, whatever.   My first car (a 1990 Sunbird) had a CD player and a cassette player.

Today the bluetooth in my car often syncs to my iTunes playlist before I get my seatbelt on!

Today, a song I never heard before played on my commute to work.  A while ago I had downloaded Queen's Greatest Hits I II and III The Platinum Collection.  My playlist is perpetually set on "shuffle" so you never know what will pop up.  This song from circa 1988 is written by Roger Taylor and sung by Freddie Mercury.

I thought it was timely with everything going on these days.  I think about life, death, and heaven more after being sick.  I think about how the world works and how it can be better.  I think about how people can be better to each other. 

This song really spoke to me today. 

"This could be heaven
This could be heaven
This could be heaven for everyone

In these days of cool reflection
You come to me and everything seems alright
In these days of cold affections
You sit by me and everything's fine"

With the way things are today...every disagreement magnified, hatred spewed across the ether.  The thought behind this song is so simple, beautiful, inclusive.

"This could be heaven for everyone
This world could be fed, this world could be fun
This could be heaven for everyone
This world could be free, this world could be one

In this world of cool deception
Just your smile can smooth my ride
These troubled days of cruel rejection, hmm
You come to me, soothe my troubled mind"

I loved Queen and Freddie Mercury; no offense to Adam Lambert but it's not the same with him.  It's good, don't get me wrong; but it's not the same.  Freddy was one of a kind...maybe born before his time.  I think Freddie was a bit of an enigma as well...a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand.

When I think of Queen's music, I think of big productions, the music is loud, strong; voices and instruments soaring.  This song is soft...a ballad; but the words are strong.

"Yeah, this could be heaven for everyone
This world could be fed, this world could be fun
This should be love for everyone, yeah
This world should be free, this world could be one
We should bring love to our daughters and sons
Love, love, love, this could be heaven for everyone"

 I wonder sometimes what is missing from people's lives...people who hate, or seek to destroy, exclude, people who take and never give, people who abuse physically, verbally...

"You know that
This could be heaven for everyone
This could be heaven for everyone

Listen - what people do to other souls
They take their lives - destroy their goals
Their basic pride and dignity
Is stripped and torn and shown no pity
When this should be heaven for everyone"

I think there's not enough love in the world.  There's too much judgement, too many opinions, too much bullshit.  Everyone should just concentrate on themselves.  What's the phrase??? "You do you" and the implied, "I'll do me".  Sure, you can have an opinion about me but I have to be honest...I don't really care what you think.  You see, I have fought a battle and won. I learned through my illness and healing that even though I sometimes try and fail, I am a good person.  I might not be thin or wealthy but I am grateful and healthy.

The world has taken a scary turn for many in the last couple of months.  Some days anxiety is high.  Much energy is spent sifting truth from the lies.  Music is an amazing escape from the madness.

Below is the link to the video for Heaven for Everyone...Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yI8lrvKLzg0

 

On Hypocrisy and Witches

So I posted this on FB today from dictionary.com .

Hypocrite- noun. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.

Then this:

  2. a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

Then this:

 from Urban dictionary: (1) A person who engages in the same behaviors he condemns others for.

(2) A person who professes certain ideals, but fails to live up to them.

(3) A person who holds other people to higher standards than he holds himself.
The only reliable product of an organized religion is a flock of hypocrites who feel that only *their* hypocrisy is divinely sanctioned.

I am not going to lie.  I posted it in response to the fact that Mike Pence used a private email server and account while he was governor of Indiana.  

Where is the self righteous indignation from the right?  Where are the chants of "Lock him up"?  Now don't get me wrong, I don't think Pence should be locked up for doing something stupid.  If we locked up every person that has done something stupid in their lives, everyone would be in jail. 

But let's be honest whether you're the governor of Indiana or the Secretary of State, or POTUS you shouldn't be using a private server, email account or cell phone because there is someone at a computer in their mother's basement in smalltown USA or Russia that spends all of their waking hours trying to hack into high value targets.  There are bad hombres or comrades who would pay top dollar/ruble for the info garnered in a hack.

I probably wouldn't give a fig about this if email security hadn't been a huge cornerstone in Mr. Pence's boss' campaign.  OMG the emails.  We wasted time and energy and MONEY on Hillary's emails and what did we get...nothing to prosecute.  When the investigation was reopened days before the election, here is Mr. Pence's reaction from Twitter
 

"@realDonaldTrump and I commend the FBI for reopening an investigation into Clinton's personal email server because no one is above the law."

Neither are you Mr. Pence, neither are you.  An honest man might have had an "oh shit" moment and thought, "Hey, I am doing almost the same thing.  I should probably change things so when the time comes I can come clean and say honestly that I made a mistake and fixed it."  Own this Mr. Pence; you have an opportunity to appeal to your detractors.  Don't lie and deflect.  People are on to you and the number of those people grows daily.

The hypocrisy displayed by both parties is both mortifying and laughable.  I loved watching Mitch McConnell accuse Dems of stalling Senate cabinet confirmations.  Does he not remember Merrick Garland?  When stuff like this happens, I seriously want to scream at the TV.   There isn't a separate set of rules for different parties or races or religions.

This is simply a matter of right and wrong.

I spent some time reading about how 45 thinks the investigation of ties to Russia is a witch hunt.  Maybe it is. 

Here's some advice for 45.  If it truly is a witch hunt and you have NOTHING to hide, keep quiet, let the investigation finish and find nothing but witches.  Then, I don't care if you spend a weekend at Mar-a-Lago tweeting, "I told you so!"

See, I think you have a lot to hide because you are protesting more than an actress in Hamlet.  I think you have enough financial dealings with Russia to show up on a tax return which is why they haven't been released.  I think you are beholden to the president of Russia which I am guessing is terrifying if you aren't president of the free world.

I think we're going to learn a lot in the coming months.  I hope I am wrong about what we're going to find out.  I hope the glimmer of presidential-ness you showed the other night grows like a wildfire and that the positive things you've promised move towards fruition and I hope someone who has an open mind and moderate beliefs steers you straighter on some of your more ridiculous promises.  You are a smart man 45...billions of dollars are needed for far more important things than a wall on our Southern border.